


For Now We Sit and Wait Until We Can Pick Ourselves Up Again

by MichiesVoidofWriting



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: AMITY NEEDS A HUG, Author Has No Idea How To Tag, But it's going to get better, Human AU i guess?, I will die laughing if my characterization of the Blight parents are really close to canon, Lilith gives her one, because that would be concerning, there's some hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28730415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichiesVoidofWriting/pseuds/MichiesVoidofWriting
Summary: It's a lot. The pressure to live up to her parent's standards, the fear of having them disappointed in her, along with the fact that she's beginning to question if her parents are in the right.Amity can't make her own choices, despite being a few months short of eighteen. Her mother needs everything to go her way, her father believes that his word is law, and Amity's sick of it. Was it so wrong to want just a little bit of freedom?  She wasn't asking to go fly across the world and never come back, or to start doing reckless actions that could cause her harm. She was tired of the restrictions, keeping it all in, and waiting for the day she could finally be free. Until that day, she was stuck, silently sobbing her frustrations out.
Relationships: Alador Blight & Amity Blight & Odalia Blight, Amity Blight & Lilith Clawthorne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	For Now We Sit and Wait Until We Can Pick Ourselves Up Again

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive any mistakes I've made. It's late and I've been starring at the screen so long, the color white looks like some type of pastel baby blue.
> 
> Also, if there are any tags you think I should add please let me know.

How many more times was she going to go through this? How many more times was she going to reach her emotional limit, and end up holding her hands to her mouth to muffle her sobs as she sank to the floor? She didn't get it. Was there something she did when she was younger that was so terribly wrong that her parents no longer trusted her to make decisions about her life? Or did they never trust her in the first place?

* * *

Amity knew that the relationship with her parents was a rocky one. They got along fine on good days, but there were times they couldn't see eye to eye. There would be a team-up against her, convincing her that she was in the wrong and that they knew what they were doing. Alador would hiss at her, when she tried to prove she was mature enough to grasp her own opinion, constantly telling her to repress her outburst because apparently, cursing in an adult's presence was _disrespectful._ Odalia wasn't any better. She bent the conversation to her will, easily gliding from topic to topic that would allow her to keep the upper hand. If she didn't want to touch on a topic, she would avoid it, and manage to contradict Amity mid-rant. 

_"All I'm asking is for you to listen. All that talk about talking to you about anything is a lie!"_

_"I'm not going to listen to you if you're wrong."_

But her parents were right. She shouldn't talk back to them as that's disrespectful, and despite being on the brink of eighteen, she was shown no respect. When she wasn't able to control her anger and accidentally snapped at her mother, the mood dropped. Odalia's threat is in the undertone when she asked Amity who did she think she was talking to. Venting her frustration of life to her father and she'll lose control...that's when Alador will tell her that they are not friends, nor equals. He'll remind her that Odalia and himself are her parents.

Sometimes she wanted to challenge them. But was it worth fighting a battle if she was doomed to fail? It was a question she debated. Maybe when her parents finally pushed her to the brink she would. 

* * *

Amity knew that while her mother wasn't physically abusive and had more moments where it was fun to be around her than not, the fact the girl lived in fear of her mother must've meant something. She feared her mother's judgment, her wrath, the way she was able to make Amity feel guilty about not wanting to do something her mother wanted. Worst of all, Amity feared Odalia's opinions. If her mother didn't approve, it would shake her confidence in something...unless Amity was already certain about it. Hell, the day she accidentally came out to her mother still left a bitter taste in her mouth. 

_"I mean...dating a girl wouldn't be bad."_

_"You don't want to date a girl."_

_"Why not??"_

_"Girls are competitive. They're more prone to fighting and-"_

_"But boys aren't?"_

_"How would you know, Amity? You never dated anyone."_

* * *

Amity knew Odalia raised an overachiever. She trained Amity to be the best because if she wasn't the best it meant that she didn't try hard enough. 

" _Never settle for anything less than an A, Amity. I raised you better than that._ "

And so, Amity strived. She worked so hard to get above a ninety on every test and needless to say, anything below an eighty broke her. The drive to be great, to succeed, had caused her to fear failure. She was prided in numbers and the first letter of the alphabet, to the point where she believed those were the only aspects about her that mattered. It's what caused her to cheat on exams she wasn't confident she would pass, taping a cutout piece of an index card the size of an eraser to hold answers. She went out of the box for solo projects so all her peers would be blown out of the water. She prided herself on that ability to do that. But she grew older, found herself tired of caring so much.

Her motivation to learned vanished, as school continued to shove pointless knowledge down her throat that was only necessary to know for those specific three weeks. School was becoming more of a burden. She was expected to keep the high grades, to put in effort, to bring home outstanding remarks from her teachers, and be above her peers. Not below, or on par, but above. She was expected to stay at the top, to keep the 4.0 GPA. She knew that if she didn't...if her grades dropped or if she stopped trying, it would cause everyone around her to be disappointed. To see her as a failure. And she hated failure...she still feared it.

Yet, perhaps the lack of energy was due to Odalia...who only seemed to praise her daughter when progress reports were sent home. She stalked Amity's grades near religiously. 

_"Amity? Why does it say you have a **B**?"_

_"From?"_

_"Your last test. From Friday."_

_"There were a few concepts I didn't grasp fully. I wasn't prepared for them to be on the test."_

_"Is it possible to ask for a retake?"_

_"For a **B**?"_

_"If you can get an A, why wouldn't you go for it?"_

_"My teacher doesn't give out retakes."_

* * *

Amity knew her mother was a control freak. She had a specific way of cleaning everything, she liked everything organized and couldn't stand the sight of anything looking remotely cluttered, but most of all, Odalia loved control. She controlled Amity's bedtime. Yep, seventeen years old and had a bedtime. It pissed Amity off to no end, and her arguments about the concept fell on deaf ears. Odalia had kept note of all of Amity's passwords. Email addresses and her phone were mandatory. Then there was the godforsaken curfew rule regarding how long she was allowed to talk to people. Odalia placed a rule that all communication had to end at ten, as it was late and people could be busy. Personally, Amity understood the concept, you didn't want to be rude, but that rule was also enforced on weekends. The thing about weekends was that was the only time she got to talk with Luz and their other friends...and Odalia would be mad the rest of the night if she caught Amity video chatting or texting because the rule wasn't being followed.

_"Who are you talking to?"_

_"Luz."_

_"At one in the morning."_

_"Well it's not like we're both doing anything to-"_

_"Amity, you should know better. Now get off the phone."_

* * *

Amity knew her father was not the person you go talking to when it came to emotions. Lectures about not letting your emotions control you would always follow. He had a habit of saying the wrong responses to situations, as he was the person you would go to for advice on anything not related to emotions. Like how to change a car tire.

_"When all this is over, I want to go to therapy."_

_"You don't want that on your record, Amity. If you want to apply for a job that does an in-depth background check, and they see you had a struggle with mental illness, they may not hire you."_

_"Forgive me for needing help with issues that my parents cannot solve."_

* * *

Amity knew her father was stubborn. Her father had a way of believing his word to be followed without question the type to say something and never change his mind. He didn't care to listen to her opinion. Not even when it was directly related to her life. 

_"You're going to college in the fall."_

_"I don't want to go here."_

_"Too bad, Amity, you're starting in the fall."_

_"You are acting like as if I said I never wanted to go to college. I want to go to college later. I just want a break."_

_"And you'll have the summer off. That's your break."_

_"No! I want to explore the world a bit. Get a job or something-"_

_"You can still work a job and attend college."_

_"But not yet. I've spent twelve years doing school. I'm tired. I don't want to start directly after high school."_

_"That's being lazy. And I didn't raise you to be lazy."_

_"All I'm asking is for a break. I want to explore the world and not be stressed out with classes I'll flunk out on purpose if you send me."_

_"You're going to college in the fall and that's final."_

_"For what, a stupid piece of paper that-"_

_"Enough."_

_"Fine."_

* * *

Amity knew she was hitting a breaking point. She was tired. 

She was so tired of having her own thoughts and opinions shut down. She was tired of fighting her parents. She was tired of pretending to give a damn about stuff her parents expected her to care about. She was tired of them getting mad at her when she voiced she was sick of caring about things that were no longer of importance to her. She was tired of hiding her emotions, silently crying her frustrations away until she ran out of tears. She was tired of only being praised for high numbers and having the first letter of the alphabet on her report card. She was tired of expectations she didn't want to live up to. 

She wanted to be able to feel safe coming to her mother with anything and not worry about her mother twisting it on her. She wanted to be able to have a conversation with her father about what she wanted out of life and not have it turn into a lecture. She wanted a support system that would always support her, one that wouldn't have her parents picking and choosing what they wanted to support her with. She wanted someone to hold her tightly and tell her that it would be okay, that she wasn't messed up because of her parents. She wanted someone to wipe her tears away, and promise her that it was safe to come to them with anything and she wanted to believe them. But as she sat, curled up into a ball on the floor, all she wanted was a hug.

* * *

Amity knew Lilith was safe. She wasn't sure when Lilith had picked her up off the floor and moved them to the couch, but it happened somehow because the girl wasn't sure how she got from the floor to leaning into Lilith's side. Not that she would complain. All she would do would burry her head into Lilith's shoulder while continuing to sob as one of the people she trusted most held her together in a tight embrace that promised to protect her from the world until she was ready to face it. 

Lilith felt warm, despite the usual icy exterior the woman had on display. Perhaps it was the way Lilith never seemed to judge her, or the scowl on her face that would appear with Amity would make a bitter remark about her parents after a fight. It didn't really matter, though. Lilith cared about her and that's all Amity chose to focus on. 

_"We're taking the SATS, and I know that because I'm going to a JC, that it doesn't really matter, but it's a test. And I don't fail tests. I can't fail."_

_"Amity, failure is apart of life-"_

_"And I'm not prepared for it. I was taught to fear failure."_

_"Sorry to tell you this, but if that's true then you'll be living in fear the rest of your life."_

_"You don't understand. I can't fail because I would disappoint so many people...this is important to me...to do well...because if you take away my honor roll awards, you rip away my straight A's...there's nothing left. I'm nothing without-"_

_"Let me stop you there. Listen to me, darling. Your value is not in how many high test scores you have or how well you do on an assignment."_

_"But those are what make me special. It's what everyone praises me for."_

_"Your grades are just numbers. They aren't what make you special. They don't determine your worth. Ten years from now, those numbers won't matter."_

_"You mean that?"_

_"Of course. What matters out there, in the real world, is what kind of person you are. It won't matter to anyone how good your grades were in high school. No one will care about that."_

_"But, Lilith-"_

_"Your value isn't in numbers, Amity, it never has been. I want you to remember that."_

_"I'll try to."_

_"Good. And, darling."_

_"Yes?"_

_"I'm proud of you."_

_"Thanks."_


End file.
